Bittersweet
by fluffernutter
Summary: [Post FFX-2] Baralai comes to terms with the feelings he always holds back...his troubles, his sorrows, and his affections. Baralai x Paine [COMPLETE]
1. Leave Me Bleeding

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX-2. Darn you Squaresoft!

**_Bittersweet_**

**__**

Chapter One: Leave Me Bleeding

            The music in Luca stadium had started soon after the speeches from Spira's three leading political figures had concluded. Beneath dazzling lights that were a mixture of both machina and incantations—a blending of two sides of Spira that had been separate for far too long—the massive crowds moved to the beat in one massive throng, united once again by a melody. And for once, it was without the somber quality that had been the undertone of the past.

            Baralai heard the celebration from the quiet spot he sat at on the dock. Vegnagun was destroyed, Shuyin was gone, and Spira was saved once more from utter decimation…but he was having trouble mustering the happy feelings that everyone around him seemed to be expressing. He sighed and tried to focus on the sound of the waves sloshing beneath where he dangled his feet.

            A stray ocean breeze tousled a lock of his platinum-white hair, pulling it loose from beneath the constraints of his headband. His face remained still, however, focused on some distant spot at the horizon. There was a furrow between his eyebrows, the same as any other time when he was plagued by troubling thoughts.

            If his troubles had been merely limited to his domination by Shuyin, his own emotional and mental weakness that he would have a reckoning with someday, they would have been easier to push from his mind momentarily and just enjoy the festivities. No, it was a very different memory that he continued to revisit in his head.

_            In the end, when it had come down to it, she didn't trust him enough._

            As his bright amber eyes began to shimmer with the recollection of the frustration he'd felt, Baralai closed them, shutting out the mild sting of the salt spray that was occasionally blown into his face.

            Even back with the Crimson squad, it had been the same way.

            Nooj was always the authority on everything, the one whose opinion was accepted without question. Gippal was the spontaneous and creative one, and any insight he might give would always be taken under consideration.

            As for Baralai…he supposed it's what he got for always trying to be logical and reasonable during such chaotic times, trying desperately to preserve the sense of normality in his life that his mother had worked so hard to maintain during his childhood before her life was claimed by Sin. He was the stick in the mud. He was the stuffed shirt. His ideas were too boring and cautious, too predictable. His views had been too staunchly rooted in the teachings of Yevon when their friendship began. He was treated as the nice but narrow-minded friend, though he supposed that with his background taken into account, he was just as flexible as the rest of the quartet. The other three had also started with their own biases, especially against Yevon—not that he could blame them, all things considered—but his constant mild ways and quiet manner eventually earned him their respect and friendship.

            And still…

            _"Believe me. If it could be destroyed so easily, I would have done so long ago. Neither you nor Nooj seems to understand…Vegnagun must not be touched! Please leave." He could see the expression in those crimson eyes and knew immediately that there was nothing else he could say to convince them, not even to someone he had known for so long. Someone he cared about so deeply._

_            The high summoner fixed him with her two-toned gaze. "What if we don't leave? What will you do?"_

_            Baralai turned his staff to grab it with both hands as he took a defensive stance. "Then you leave me with no choice. I will protect Vegnagun and stop those who seek to harm it. Please." He was begging them now. "Please go."_

_            He felt something break inside when he saw her step forward, face set in determination. _Why couldn't she see that he was just trying to protect them?_ She turned to her comrades first. "Yuna. Rikku. I'm sorry." She then gave him one of the coldest looks he'd ever seen and readied her sword. "I'm going."_

_            Her meaning tore through him, and he could say nothing other than crying out her name before they began to fight._

_            Afterwards, when he had collapsed on the floor, his battered body unable to withstand any more, he saw her give him one last glance. He could almost see regret before she steeled her gaze and ran off with her companions. But it couldn't be. Forever the agreeable and complacent one, he'd never received any apologies. He'd also never needed them before._

_            His last thought as he slipped into unconsciousness was of her eyes, and how the warmth and compassion with which she used to look at him were gone._

            Baralai opened his eyes one more to gaze at the sea, glimmering softly with the moonlight reflecting off of its gentle swells. He swallowed the lump that was steadily growing in his throat. He wouldn't cry now—it had been many years since the last time he'd shed any tears, and although he felt an urgent need to let them go…he would hold them back. He would keep his calm façade.

            And drown in the feelings that overwhelmed him.

**_Some say love_**

**_It is a river_**

**_That drowns the tender reed_**

****

**_Some say love_**

**_It is a razor_**

**_That leaves your soul to bleed_**

****

**_                        ~_**Janis Joplin**, **_The Rose_

Author's note: Here's my first attempt at a fic…at least one that seemed halfway decent enough to post. Oooh…reason for this story. When I got to the mission beneath Bevelle, I felt so bad that Paine didn't trust Baralai even though he was just trying to keep anyone from setting off a weapon he thought to be indestructible onto a rampage across Spira. If the three girls had listened, they might have all worked together to get to Vegnagun before it could be released…but that wouldn't be as conducive to continuing the game's plotline, so…just ignore my rambling, huh?  I'll be following Janis Joplin's song, so by the time I get to the end of the lyrics, the story's going to be done…Doesn't mean I couldn't just write another one, though! More Paine and other characters in upcoming chapters. Sorry for the shortness…just think of it as an extended songfic! ^o^

Anyway, please drop me a review let me know what ya think!

3~3~3 _Paine & Baralai forever!_ 3~3~3

Hehehe, been hooked on that couple even before I finished the first chapter of the game. Don't like calling it _baraine though…It means "barren" in Old French, and superstitious lil me doesn't want to jinx the couple. ~_~0_


	2. It's a Matter of Principles

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX-2. So there.

**_Bittersweet_**

**__**

Chapter Two: It's a Matter of Principles

            The bonfire on the beach in Besaid that night was twice as big as the one built upon celebration of little Vidina's birth. Of course, there was a lot more to celebrate tonight. It was the birth of a new age for Spira, one in which people would put aside their differences to look towards the future. Paine frowned. _Since when have I been so sentimental? She watched a pair of children dance past her, arms twirling in the air above their heads as if trying to catch the errant sparks that were sent drifting up into the air. She saw everyone on the island so __happy. The young and old alike celebrated life with passion, dancing fervently before the flames almost like madmen. She saw Rikku among them, managing to move rather gracefully…until she tumbled into Yuna's orange-haired friend. _There's no almost about _that _one…_Even Yuna's joy—usually muted by the strict duties she had faced as a summoner and by her own demure tendencies—shone brightly as she looked into the face of that smiling young man._

            She sighed, resting her hands behind her in the sand. _I can't help but feel a little happy right now. I should probably be ecstatic like the rest of them, but…_She took another glance at the couple's faces, feeling a slight pang of jealousy before turning away.

            Paine rose silently from the ground, unsuccessfully trying to brush off the clinging grains of sand from her body. The sky was clear, and the breeze that ruffled the short hairs on the back of her neck was cool. It was a good night for a walk. With all of the commotion around the fire, nobody noticed her slipping away from the group.

            She made her way along the dirt path until she reached the clearing that Yuna had shown them before. As she sat down on the edge of the precipice, she could still see that strange sphere poking out of the grass to her left, the moonlight glinting off of its smooth surface. That little treasure hunt had been fun…but still an unnecessary distraction from their work. Paine ran one gloved hand over her face. Being so focused and businesslike all of the time was taking its toll. Her personal fears were making her withdraw from too much attachment or intimacy with anyone. It kept her safe, but putting up that wall was just so _tiring. When she had spoken with Yuna that time, the liberation that she'd felt was indescribable. __It reminds me of when the four of us would talk like that._

            She had to admit that however slowly it was happening, she was working her way back to the happier, more buoyant self that had been left behind. Not that she hadn't had a good reason to become distant. _I thought I watched them die…_She shook her head, not surprised by the tiny droplets that flew from her cheeks with the sudden movement. She felt the familiar sting of tears in her eyes and was slightly disappointed by her own emotional frailty at a mere memory.

            They were all reunited now, and most things had changed for the better. Nooj had a new appreciation of his life—and she was fairly certain that Leblanc was to thank for that in part. She, at least, was apparently good for something. Gippal had learned to be a little more responsible by running his operation over at Djose, and Paine now understood who he had meant when he used to mention _"the clumsiest, most annoying little brat that can still make you want to be around her." Spira was truly a small world after all._

            And Baralai…there was that feeling of unease again. He was successful as the leader of the New Yevon forces and seemed to have mostly recovered from his possession by Shuyin. And he appeared much less introverted than when she first met that awkward, virtually silent boy several years before. Still…she had the feeling that her reclusive nature was not the only one to evolve from that experience. _He's not as light-hearted as he used to be._

            _When I think about it, he doesn't smile for me anymore._

            The last time that he had actually acknowledged her was when, in her worry, she had rushed to his side upon Shuyin's separation…but his eyes had still been full of the pain and shock from the ordeal he had gone through. _He hasn't even looked at me since we left the Farplane. Perhaps it was because of some residual feelings left by that phantom from Zanarkand. They had, after all, been prepared to strike him down were it required to stop Vegnagun._

            Paine looked down at her hands, clad in the worn leather that composed most of what she wore. She rarely took off those gloves, scared that her hands would somehow be crimson, soaked in the blood from all of the battles she had fought in the past. The hands clenched into fists. _That time…with Shuyin…it wasn't the first time I'd had to fight him…_

_            As soon as the trio had rounded the corner and seen him standing there, she knew why he had been in those subterranean corridors. When he claimed surprise at their appearance while unable to meet their gaze—_a true politician, I suppose_—she knew immediately that they had been expected. Why else send one of the most powerful men of the party when several soldiers would serve as patrol?_

_            His words were tainted in her ears, laced with the deceit that she felt from his concealment of such a danger. "Believe me. If it could be destroyed so easily, I would have done so long ago. Neither you nor Nooj seems to understand…Vegnagun must not be touched! Please leave." She met his hazel gaze, nearly thrown from her resolve by the earnest expression she saw, but she threw that thought aside. Dishonesty…he had been lying to all of Spira with the rest of them._

_            Yuna spoke up to her right. "What if we don't leave? What will you do?"_

_            Baralai turned his staff to grab it with both hands as he took a defensive stance. Paine was filled with dread seeing the measures he was willing to take. _We were never meant to be on opposing sides of my blade…_"Then you leave me with no choice. I will protect Vegnagun and stop those who seek to harm it. Please…Please go." He kept his tone measured and his motives thusly concealed._

_            The frustration she felt with him, that she felt with herself. She had to keep her memories of him separate. By protecting that monstrosity, he was betraying her and the rest of Spira…wasn't he?_

_            She knew that the matter went beyond her own feelings. The entire world hinged on their actions here, and any reluctance on her part might doom everyone. More parents outliving their children, more children growing up orphaned…or none of them getting a chance to live at all._

_            Her heart twisted on conflict as she stepped forward, and she could have wept at the horrified anguish in those eyes of his. Her two comrades murmured sounds of astonishment at her boldness. She glanced back at them, feeling the need for some sort of explanation but knowing none. "Yuna. Rikku. I'm sorry." She then fixed Baralai with the stoniest glare she could manage and readied her sword. "I'm going."_

_            "Paine!!" She heard his voice crack with emotion as he cried out. She bit her tongue sharply to focus and keep from caving in. Letting out a cry of her own, she rushed at him. And so the fight began._

_            From what she remembered of their days with the squad, he seemed to be fighting only halfheartedly, so defeating him wasn't difficult. Yuna and Rikku began to hurry on, and she turned back one last time…almost wishing that she hadn't._

_            He was collapsed on the floor, barely keeping himself propped up with his staff. His body seemed almost in shambles, his tunic shredded by the ferocity of their attacks. A stream of blood ran down his forehead into one eye, but the other remained clear as it looked into her own…searching. Rikku called ahead of her, and she remembered the situation. Paine wrenched her gaze away, running off and trying to ignore the way it felt like each of his wounds was on her own body. She kept her gaze ahead. If she looked back now and saw him like that again, she didn't think she could go any further._

_            Damn him for resisting. Damn her for fighting. Damn the whole world for bring it down to this. Damn it all._

_            Baralai…forgive me._

            She tried to pinpoint when his thoughts of her had started bothering her so much. There was an attraction there—how could she not feel anything after being around three very good-looking men every day for nearly a year? She wasn't frigid…just reserved. And the friendship they all shared was no small thing. Yet, she didn't envy that Syndicate woman her time with Nooj. She didn't find herself thinking of Gippal's voice when she was alone and the silence seemed too overwhelming. None of them made her feel this longing that she didn't quite want to disappear.

            Frustrated, Paine grabbed a stone from the ground, hurling it into the dark, still waters below with all of the strength that she could muster. There was a splash, and the calm was broken. Circles rippled outward, their radii multiplying and expanding. They would cross, sometimes becoming stronger and sometimes canceling each other out. _That's what I'm really afraid of. All of the chance encounters in my life—I never know what effect they'll have. And with him, the first time our paths crossed, we strengthened each other. _She knew that there was nobody nearby to hear her, but she gave voice to her question nonetheless.

            "What if this time, we just cancel out?"

**_Some say love_**

**_It is a hunger_**

**_An endless aching need_**

****

**_I say love_**

**_It is a flower_**

**_And you, its only seed_**

****

**_                        ~_**Janis Joplin**, **_The Rose_

Author's note: *sniff* You like me…you really like me…_Ahem. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Hehe, now I know how motivating readers' comments can be. I think I'm gonna start leaving them more often myself. ^_^_

At any rate, you've all made me feel really great. I just hope the writing stays up to par. Hmm, just to respond a bit…Yes, this fic is a one-shot (4 chapters…I ramble a lot, so that's a one-shot to me =P), but I could always write a continuation of it. I just wanted to have some sort of conclusion by the time I reach the end of the lyrics to _The Rose. Oh, and the only reason I mentioned the pairing in the summary is just as a bit of warning to anyone who'd get angry by the pairing and decide to flame because of it. I can deal with flames…marshmallow roast! yay!...but I'd rather anyone who won't enjoy the fic simply because of that reason to just save themselves the time and trouble._

Am I a hippie? Honestly, sometimes I think I was born in the wrong decade, but that would mean no FFX-2, so nevermind! I just love all genres of music…and Janis Joplin's somewhat rough voice is one of my faves…Besides, I thought the song fit my theme for the most part. ^_~

By the way, thanks for saying I can spell! Hehe, it makes my nerdy side feel all warm and fuzzy. o^_^o

Well, everyone, enjoy!

_**A special thanks to Farli…heh, thank you for catching that. Even with proofreading, I guess that's what happens when I do my typing at __midnight__. =P**_


	3. Lost in Thought

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX-2...sure wish I did though. ^_^

**_Bittersweet_**

**__**

Chapter Three: Lost in Thought

            The celebration was continuing late into the night, and Gippal looked around the multitude of people. Not too far off, he spotted a spiky brown ponytail poking up from the top of the crowd. Upon closer inspection, he began to grin. Leblanc was over there as well, and she must have nipped back a _little too much, because she was also apparently all over Nooj. He let a grin break out on his face. It was nice seeing his old friend loosening up a bit._

            _Speaking of somebody who needs to loosen up…He started walking around, glancing about the dancing Spirans. Occasionally he would catch a glimpse of a green tunic…only to see an unknown, albeit friendly, face. _Where did that guy run off to?_ He absentmindedly scratched between his short blond spikes before leaving the main dome._

            The waves' constant murmur lulled him and filled his senses. Things used to be so much simpler in his younger days. Baralai caught himself and laughed quietly. _My younger days…I'm only twenty and I already sound like an old man…_

            "Well, at least you're able to amuse yourself over here." He was shaken form his thoughts when he felt someone let their hand drop onto his shoulder. "But wouldn't it be more fun with the rest of us?"

            Baralai looked up into the face of his Al Bhed friend. "Gippal…what made you come out here?" He watched as the other man sat down beside him.

            "I was looking for you, man. You're missing one heck of a party."

            He looked back out at the water. "You know I've never been too interested in that sort of thing."

            "Yeah…so you wanna spill what's been eating at you for the past coupl'a days, or should I back off and let you mope a little more?"

            The young praetor's mouth dropped slightly. "I-I don't know what you're—"

            "Aw, come off it, Baralai. You've been going off on your own a lot more frequently since we got back from…" He stopped himself, seeming to rethink what he was saying. "I spoke with Nooj about it, after you were…y'know…He said it was worse than dying."

            Momentary flashes went through Baralai's thoughts. The pure hatred and resentment that had perpetuated Shuyin's time on Spira, the hopelessness of being at the whim of a madman, the horror of knowing what his body was being used to do…_Used. It was so awful…It felt like, it was like I was…He shook his head slightly. "That's not what I've been thinking about. It's always there in the back of my head, surfacing now and again, but I don't think I could handle dealing with it all just yet."_

            His friend studied him for a moment. "Yeah, I don't blame ya…" Silence passed between the two for several moments. "I guess you must've been thinking about her again then."

            "Her?"

            "Paine."

            "Oh…" He clasped his hands together, suddenly finding the hem of his tunic to be very interesting. "How did you—"

            "How did I know? Well, it was pretty obvious back in the squad that you had a thing for her. Hell," he let out a long breath. "Even _I_ felt somethin' for her back then. She's not exactly an unattractive woman." He grinned at Baralai before his expression turned thoughtful. "Besides, she helped keep me grounded back then. I used to be such a cocky kid…"

            Baralai couldn't help but smile at that. "_Used_ to be?"

            "Hey, I've gotten better. Now, when I order somebody around, I'll occasionally remember to use their name." After a few soft chuckles, the two grew quiet again.

            Baralai was the first to speak. "So…do you still…"

            "Do I still think about her like that?" Gippal punched his shoulder lightly. "Why? Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

            He'd forgotten how much Gippal had enjoyed teasing him. "Of course not!" _Thank Yevon it's dark out here…"But do you?" He was comforted a little by the loud bout of laughter that was Gippal's reply._

            "Wow. You still got it bad for her, don'tcha? Well, you can relax. You won't be getting any competition from _me_. I think she's a little too much for me to handle. Besides…you know I like 'em loud and feisty!"

            "Yeah…how long did it last with Nhadala? A week?"

            "That hurt…it was a week and a half. And don't try and change the subject! So Paine, huh? You talk to her at all since we got back? 'Cause you sure as hell didn't say anything back then. What a hopeless kid! You used to blush and stutter whenever she'd say your name!"

            "I did not!" Gippal raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay, maybe every now and then…but it's not like I did it all the time! She made me feel so…" He gestured aimlessly with his hands. "I just never knew how to act around her. I guess I still don't."

            "This must be a first…the praetor of New Yevon at a loss for words."

            "Ha ha. Funny." He lowered his voice slightly. "She made me so confused…I wanted to be around her all of the time, to talk with her, to touch her…And that scared me. Now, I'm just not sure anymore. She's changed so much…If you could only see the way she looked at me…I haven't been able to meet her eyes since."

            "You talkin' about when she fought you? Don't look so surprised. She mentioned it to me the other day."

            Baralai sighed. "I don't think she trusts me anymore."

            "I wouldn't say that…She was doing what she thought she had to. Besides, her feelings about Yevon's dirty little secrets don't help. I think she trusts you just as much as she used to. It was a difficult situation then. For cryin' out loud, who was one of the ones that helped carry you back to the airship?"

            He sat without speaking for several minutes. "I just don't know…"

            Gippal pushed himself up from the wood of the pier. "Well, you better figure it out quick. Listen to me, and listen to me good 'cause I'm only saying this once. You need to talk to her and tell her what's on your mind. At least get on good terms with her again. You two are still friends, regardless." He raised one finger in warning. "Just wanna let you know, that girl's closer than family to me. You make her upset over any of this, and I can make sure you're never interested in women ever again." His characteristic grin returned. "But I'm sure it'll never come to that. Right, buddy?"

            Baralai smiled warmly for the first time in…quite a while. "You know it never would." Gippal extended a hand to him, and he accepted the help to his feet. The two shared a firm handshake and a smile before walking in the direction of the music.

            "But for now, let's get back inside. There's a party we're missing!"

            "I see that I'm not the only one who comes to this spot to think." Paine turned sharply at the sound of the mellow voice, only to see Yuna's friend, the island woman—_Lulu, was it?—standing there with her arms crossed and a smirk gracing her lips._

            She turned away towards the water, using the opportunity to brush one hand across her eyes and wipe away some of the traces of her tears. "Do you usually make it a habit of following people that you don't know very well?"

            She was answered by a soft chuckle. "Do you usually make it a habit to criticize people who are concerned about you?" _Touché._ "I suppose it's just my motherly instincts kicking in."

            "Oh…where's Vidina?"

            The older woman sat down beside her, drawing up her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. "He's with his father. Probably hearing about the great exploits of the Besaid Aurochs yet again."

            "What fun…" She cut off any further sarcasm when she was met with a pair of level ruby eyes not unlike her own.

            Lulu turned her scrutinizing gaze to the water. "You know, when I first lost Chappu, I used to come here every single night. I thought that it was as close as I could get to the stars, and it made me feel close to him even though he was gone. Wakka used to follow me here every night as well. Later he told me that he'd been scared." She hugged her arms a little more tightly around her knees. "He said that he had already lost one of the most important people in his life, and he didn't want to lose another to grief. Sometimes I'm not sure, but I think that if he hadn't been there to talk with me all of those nights…" She glanced over the cliff's edge before giving Paine a sad smile. "Well, I never acted upon any of that, and I grew beyond the pain I felt." She smiled more genuinely this time. "I think I've started to ramble. My point is," she reached out and took one of Paine's hands in her own, giving it a light squeeze, "that I learned to start using the people around me for support. Personal strength can only take you so far. It's when we lean on others and build up our lives from those we care about that we are truly able to overcome any obstacles." She withdrew her hand, and Paine could feel the burning in her eyes as they longed to let loose tears again. "I know I haven't known you for long, but I'd like you to have my friendship. If there is anything troubling, please confide in me." She smiled again. "Just think of it as giving me practice for when Vidina gets older."

            Paine opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out other than a small sob. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks, and she threw her arms around a mildly surprised Lulu. Her barriers were slowly crumbling as a flood of emotions that had suppressed for ages overwhelmed her. Burying her face in the other woman's shoulder, she remembered that feeling, that sense of comfort and security.

            She remembered how it had been with her own mother.

**_It's the heart afraid of breaking_**

**_That never learns to dance_**

**_It's the dream afraid of waking_**

**_That never takes the chance_**

****

**_It's the one who won't be taken_**

**_Who cannot seem to give_**

**_And the soul afraid of dying_**

**_That never learns to live_**

****

**_                        ~_**Janis Joplin**, **_The Rose_

Author's note: I didn't want to get too in-depth with what Shuyin did to Nooj and Baralai. Personally, I think the whole ordeal must have been as bad as being raped. He controlled them, overpowered them despite any struggles…invaded their private thoughts, I'm sure, and forced them to do whatever he wanted. When that part of the plot was revealed in the game, it made me want to cry…

Anyway, enough of that! Thank you all once more for your wonderful reviews! Lulu was so much fun to write! I can definitely see her as gradually becoming the motherly type, watching out for the younger people around her. I thought having an interaction with Paine might provide a nice parallel with the prior scene. ^_^

When I post this chapter, it'll be under the FFX-2 category (I saw the option last time I was editing my chapters). You'll be able to get to it through my profile if the site is slow in setting up the link.

Later! ^_^


	4. By Mutual Consensus, of Course

Disclaimer: I **_DO_** own FFX-2…See? It's sitting on my shelf right there…but Squaresoft's got the license…Darn.

So here's where I get to put all of my thank yous to everyone who helped me out by giving me feedback, informing me about problems with the fic, and just letting me know what they thought about it. Writing is a pleasure in and of itself, but knowing that I helped create something that somebody enjoyed is truly a wonderful feeling. ^_^

**_            Boggart, Madj, Exhile87, Farli, Story, Psychotic Blondie, dragonmaster, Heather Cat, waterblossom, Baralai-ec-rud, FieryPhoenixGryphon, Jeni, Uri-chan _**and **_Hentai_****_ Neko…_**

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**_                        THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT! This chapter is dedicated to all of you._**

**_Bittersweet_**

**__**

Chapter Four: By Mutual Consensus, of Course

            The ship from Luca had a two hour layover in Kilika, so Baralai took the time to catch up on some much needed sleep…or at least he tried. He sat with his back propped against the outer wall of the cabin, enjoying the refreshing coolness of the shade. There was an underlying anxiety hidden by his relaxed demeanor, but it was far less prominent than the peace he felt at that moment.

            Passengers were milling about, occasionally casting a glance in his direction in curiosity before deciding that it was simply some young man who bore a remarkable resemblance to that Yevon official. The captain strolled onto the deck, announcing their departure for Besaid, and the young man actually realized what he was doing. The anxiety began to break the surface, and he bolted to his feet when he felt the ship move. An elderly woman near him chuckled behind one hand. "Is this your first chance finding your sea legs, child?"

            He smiled a bit in return. She was one of the merchants that had boarded in Kilika, a basket of hand painted pottery slung over one arm. "Actually, I've ridden this ship several times in the past." He rubbed at one of his forearms. "I'm really not quite sure why I would be nervous this time."

            The old woman set down her basket and stretched her back out. "Ooh, I can't hold that for quite as long as I used to." She cracked one shoulder and let out a contented sigh. "You know, my grandson was the same way not five months ago. Of course, back then he was goin' to meet with his fiancée." Baralai's eyes widened, and she grinned, revealing baby pink gums. "Ah, so perhaps it's not the boat ride that has you concerned."

            _Am I really that transparent? "You're a very perceptive person."_

            She stooped to grab her wares once more. "When you get to be as old as I am, the perception tends to go along with the eyesight." She started towards the door that led to the interior of the ship. "You just begin to recognize the things that have always gone on right in front of your eyes. Enjoy your trip, young man." 

            He pulled the door open, propping it ajar with his back and taking her basket for her. She gave him another smile and pinched his cheek. "Why, thank you. Such a nice boy. Too bad I'm not about forty years younger!" She took her pottery from him and walked away laughing wholeheartedly, leaving Baralai standing there against the door…not sure whether to be flattered or disturbed.

            Dismissing the matter with a shrug, he went back outside. It was now several hours past noon, so the sweltering heat that had kept him sequestered to the shade had diminished significantly. He found a comfortable-looking spot near some of the ship's rigging and sat down, crossing his legs.

            Baralai propped his chin on his hands and his elbows on his knees and just stared out at the white ripples of wake that the ship was sending out on its starboard side. _Nothing's even really happened between us yet, and she's already changing me_. He had never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve in the past, always keeping his emotions closely guarded. He gave a wry smile to nobody in particular. From what little he'd seen of Paine over the last few months, she seemed to have gone in the opposite direction of his own transformation.

            She had, of course, had a mysterious nature back in the days with the squad—that was probably one of the qualities that had drawn him to her—but they could almost always tell what she was feeling at any given time. Now…he thought of her eyes, how they had been a swirl of a million emotions and still empty. Would there be any reason for this trip other than to clear his heart from these pent-up emotions?

            Maybe not…but he at least owed it to her, to someone whom he'd considered a close friend all of these years, to tell her what he'd been harboring for so long. If nothing else, he would know that he had tried.

            And there would be no more "what ifs." That was a comfort.

            The first sound to hit her ears was the musical chirping of some exotic bird. Yawning, Paine awoke to the soft fibers of a thickly woven blanket pressed against one cheek, with sunlight streaming in from the doorway to warm the other. She sat up, feeling fully rested for the first time since the whole ordeal had started several months before. She extended both arms out to her sides, enjoying the feeling of elongated muscles and stretching tendons.

            She walked to the entrance of the hut and pulled the reed tapestry over the opening before changing out of the plain cotton shift that Lulu had lent her to sleep in, saying she didn't want the sheets ruined by catching on any of Paine's buckles. She smiled at the thought. Considering the older woman's usual choice of attire, she supposed that she knew what she was talking about.

            Pulling on the two elbow-length gloves, she ventured out into the village square. From what she could tell of the sun's position, she had overslept for quite a while. When she saw how beautiful the day looked, she wanted to chastise herself for her disappointment in wasting valuable working time.

            "Hey there, sleepyhead!" _Hmm…annoying voice, lack of respect…_Yeah, she definitely knew who was standing there even before she turned around to face her.

            "Really. Rikku, when did _you wake up?"_

            "Uh, well ya see…at least it was before you!"

            Paine chuckled at the younger girl's comeback, shaking her head as she walked towards another hut…and the smell of what would be a _very late breakfast. She didn't see the Al Bhed standing there, mouth agape in astonishment._

            "I wonder why she's in such a good mood…I didn't even lose any respect points for that one!"

            Retreating to the clearing that she had been at the night before, Paine relaxed on the grass, enjoying the drowsy feeling of a full stomach. She felt oddly light, having said so much the night before during her conversation with Lulu. Things that nobody knew about. Not Yuna or Rikku. Not even the guys from the squad. But now she wasn't shouldering all of her past problems alone. _It's when we lean on others and build up our lives from those we care about that we are truly able to overcome any obstacles…That was by far one of the most profound things anyone had ever said to her. She felt a certain apprehension at the thought of opening up to the people close to her. __If I start this now, I'm going to have to tell them about all_ of my feelings…__

            She let out a long sigh, and looked at the long shadow that the sun cast in front of her. Sunset would be soon, swiftly extinguished by nightfall. She would sleep, and another day would come…and it would be a good time to make a trip to Luca. The festivities would be continuing all week, and as honored guests her friends would remain for the full duration. Nooj. Gippal. Baralai…

            Her stomach suddenly felt much less settled. There were certain emotions that she had never even allowed _herself_ to consiider, let alone talking about them with anyone else. But she couldn't with good conscience see him again without saying _something. What it was…she wasn't exactly sure, but it was always resting in the back of her brain, surfacing to warm her or frighten her—or a mixture of the two._

            "I care about him…" She smiled at the sound of the words slipping past her lips. "I care about him a lot…" _Should I continue where this is going?_ The thought of those three words made her feel giddy, silly, and completely unlike herself. _But I don't know that yet. I haven't even seen him for so long…and back then it was more like having a brother and a friend…_Sticking out her lower lip, she blew at a few dangling strands of hair in frustration. _Still…all I can see are those eyes. And all I can hear is his voice, whispering quietly…_

            Paine watched the scenery take on a hazy orange hue. The sun must have begun its descent below the horizon. She brushed her hand along the grass, watching as her shadow grew and stretched…_Wait. The sun can't be moving that quickly…_She heard a twig snap softly behind her, and someone cleared his throat.

            "They said down at the village that I could find you here…" She felt a rush of blood to her head at the sound of that voice, and her face froze.

            She paused to make sure that her voice remained level despite the pounding in her ears. _Just like a little kid getting caught doing something they shouldn't…She shoved the thought aside and tried to compose her face as she looked around. The crimson light was quickly fading to the dark blur of dusk, hiding the mild flush that was heating her cheeks._

            "Baralai?" Yes, it was him standing there, wearing his old battered tunic in place of the newer one he donned for public functions. He gave her a small smile. She started to get up from the ground, brushing off a few pieces of grass and crossing her arms in her usual stance. "Aren't you supposed to be in Luca right now?"

            He glanced away. "Yeah, I probably should be…Ah, I think I was supposed to go with Nooj  to have an interview this afternoon." He chuckled. "Oh well, I think they can survive one day without me."

            She couldn't help but grin a bit at his attitude. "Since when did you become so irresponsible?" She snapped her fingers and pointed at him, poking him in the chest with one gloved finger. "You've been spending more time with Gippal lately, haven't you?"

            He raised his hands in defense and began to laugh. "You caught me." When her laughter died down, she returned her face to its usual neutral—though happier—appearance.

            "So what are you doing in Besaid?"

            "I…uh, you know, I had this whole long speech planned out for when I arrived, but now that I'm standing here, I can't remember a single word of it." He smiled nervously, his bright amber eyes dark in the dim light. "We haven't been on the best terms lately, and I've needed to talk with you."

            _So that's what this was about…"Listen, Baralai. I want you to know that I'm sorr—"_

            "I'm sorry."

            She stopped, confused, and crossed her arms again. "What are you talking about?" _I'm the one that hurt you…_

            He stepped around her to look out at the lagoon below. "I'm sorry for giving you reasons not to trust me." He wouldn't meet her gaze. "I'm sorry for forcing you to fight me."

            _I suppose I'm not the only one that it's been bothering. She stepped up behind him to put one tentative hand on his shoulder. _Why am I so scared to touch him?_ "There's no need for an apology. I'm just as much to blame for how that turned out." _Because I think he'll push me away. For everything I've done…or haven't done…_"I should've had a little more faith in you…I'm sorry for that."_

            "Paine…" She felt him turn around beneath her hand. His eyes bore into hers, and with the slight glimmer that the moon cast on them, they looked so _beautiful. "That wasn't all I had to say." Her breath caught in her chest when she felt him run one hand lightly over her cheek, and she would have taken a step backwards if her legs didn't feel as though they would buckle with any sort of movement. So she just stood still, and he quickly withdrew his hand. _When did things change so much between us…__

            He rubbed the bridge of his nose—_he always used to do that when we teased him_—and looked at his feet. "Yevon, why is this so hard?"

            Now the pounding of the blood rushing through her ears was almost deafening. _What's so hard…what is he talking about? He reached out and grabbed both of her hands, and this time she did take a slight step back. "I don't know if you'll hate me for this, but I can't keep quiet about it anymore." He was leaning close enough to her face so that she could feel his warm breath stirring her bangs. "I've wanted to say this for a long time now…"_

            "I love you." Before he shut his own, Baralai saw her already shocked eyes widen even further as he reached forward to press his lips softly against hers. _Even if she hates me…even if I never talk with her again…it was all worth it just for this moment. I can at least know what it could've been like…He pulled back slowly and saw the expression on her face. Surprise…confusion…and something else…__Oh no, what have I done? He released her hands and stepped back, feeling his gut wrenching with sudden dread. "I shouldn't have…" He could feel the beginnings of tears sting his eyes, but he blinked them away. "I'm sorry…" He started to hurry past her, and then gave her a perplexed look when she blocked his path, her eyes burning with anger._

            "What the hell are you doing?"

            _She does __hate me…"I-I made a mistake by thinking that you might've…" __felt the same way…He couldn't find the courage to voice the words, and her grip on his sleeve lessened slightly, as did her gaze._

            "So are you just going to walk away from me?"

            Her voice sounded thick, and he could see her trying to hide her face. She was crying. _I've hurt her… "I'll just leave you alone. I don't want to make you upset anymore."_

            "Then don't leave!" He saw her tear-streaked face for a moment as she looked torn between actions. Suddenly, her lips were on his, and there was no more confusion or hurting or conflict. There was only him and her and the liquid warmth of her tears as they ran down his skin as well.

            Baralai slowly let his arms make their way around her in an embrace, completely unaware that her own were clasped about his neck. He could feel the pounding of her heart against his own, contrasting syncopated rhythms through the layers of their garments. His mind was a blur as they pulled away, and all that he could see was the smile dancing across her lips.

            "I love you." Paine could feel her eyes stretching open to their limit as he bent his head down to kiss her softly, tenderly. She couldn't think straight, her mind overwhelmed by all of the feelings she had revisited in the past few days. All too quickly, she felt him pull away to look searchingly into her face. _Say something…why can't I say anything? She watched as his face fell, and he let go of her hands._

            "I-I shouldn't have…" His eyes were bright now…she'd never seen him cry before. "I'm sorry." She panicked as he started to go and stopped him, frustrated at his misunderstanding and furious at her own loss for words.

            "What the hell are you doing?" She winced inwardly at what she said.

            "I made a mistake by thinking that…" _But…_Her heart sank, and she loosened the grasp she had on his sleeve before hanging her head down. _I…_Why wouldn't the words come out? Why _now_? She bit her lip hard to keep from sobbing, but the tears came just the same.

            "So are you just going to walk away from me?" She tried to cover the fact that she was crying, though she began to care less and less if he saw._ Please…stay with me…_

            "I'll just leave you alone." Her heart skipped a beat. "I don't want to make you upset anymore."

            _Didn't he understand? "Then don't leave!" Pushing her fear aside, she stared into his eyes, now with an astonishment of their own. Before she could start to doubt her resolve and lose her nerve, she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his so tightly that it was almost painful. _Please understand now…_She continued to cry, but the sadness slowly seeped from her, leaving her with a gentle warmth. She felt his arms embrace her, and she pushed closer against him. With a sense of wonder, she realized that she could feel his heart beating next to her own. She almost didn't want to pull away, even though the lack of air was making her dizzy. __It's like I'm drowning…but I don't mind one bit. When it felt like she would collapse form asphyxiation, she reluctantly pulled back, but she couldn't stop the smile from turning up the corners of her slightly swollen lips._

            She felt him lean his forehead down to rest against hers, and she closed her eyes. "So what now?"

            She leaned into the curve beneath his chin, nestling herself against his chest. _I can still hear it beating…"I don't know." She let out a contented sigh. "But we'll just lean on each other, and it'll be fine."_

            _We'll make each other stronger. Together. _

**_When the night_**

**_Has been too lonely_**

**_And the road_**

**_Has been too long_**

****

**_And you think that love is only_**

**_For the lucky and the strong_**

****

**_Just remember in the winter_**

**_Far beneath the bitter snow_**

**_Lies the seed_**

**_That with the sun's love_****__**

**_In the spring_**

**_Becomes the rose_**

****

**_                        ~_**Janis Joplin**, **_The__ Rose_

Author's note: And that's a wrap! Sorry for the several-day delay…I was a bit busy. Hehe, this chapter started getting into the fluff—but I chose this penname for a reason! (other than the fact that fluffernutter sandwiches are one of the best things on the face of the earth ^_^)

Okay, I have a FFX-2 question for you folks out there…Is the Celsius currently the only airship in Spira? Whatever happened to Cid's baby? Aren't there others by now? Just wondering!

I would also like to apologize for any bugginess/errors/bad posting with the fic…sometimes I get a bit confused by FFN's system (and by not seeing the changes right away), so I'll occasionally make mistakes. They should be okay now, though.

Alright, it may be a week or so before any sequels come out…gotta put at least _some_ effort into school, y'know? But I'll be brainstormin' to my little heart's content.

Hehe, see you next time, kiddos! ^_~


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